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It's summertime and THINGS ARE ON SALE. If only all our writers weren’t at Writer’s Camp they could tell you HOW AWESOME THIS SALE IS. If they wrote something witty about the Scout's new TOWEL you would probably say "I really want to go out right now and buy a towel for MY scout." If they said something sad and revealing about the character of the Scout's new pair of FLIP-FLOPS you would probably say "I care deeply about Flip-Flops, if only I had a pair to show my deep feelings for Flip-Flops!"
Alas, we have no such writer available. We have no one who can write about how these items ARE ONLY AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED TIME. We have no one who can reiterate in a slightly annoying, but still somewhat funny way THAT YOU HAVE TO BUY THE NEW ITEMS BEFORE THE SALE ENDS ON JULY 11. Indeed, we don't even have two short sentences that would convey that KEYS ARE NOW ON SALE TO OPEN SUMMER COOLERS! See? That was only one sentence and it wasn't particularly short.
Note: The Scout is shown equipped with TWO miscellaneous slot items. We realize this is currently IMPOSSIBLE. After firing the artist responsible, we are now working on making that artist's vision a reality.