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Firstly, as should come as no surprise to anyone, it is my sad duty to reprimand the various con artists and charlatans in our community who insist on making a mockery of the hard work of others by cheating to win. The following is a list of the top twenty kill counts of the recent Demo/Soldier competition:
Now, I have no actual proof that these men cheated. Lucky for me, then, that I am still in possession of basic common bloody sense. The top Soldier, for example, would have had to kill a Demoman every 2.5 seconds for a week straight, somehow circumventing respawn timers or the need to actually traverse across a map, without once pausing to sleep or go to the bathroom. In other words, he is either cheating, or he is a hallucinating sleep-deprived psychotic with severe constipation and unerringly good aim. In either event, I am confident he is ashamed of himself.
In less disheartening news, the goldbricking simpletons calling themselves the TF2 team around here have apparently paused long enough from picking chiggers out of one another's hair to select a number of Propaganda Contest runners-up from the 11,000-odd entries we received late last year, the results of which will be posted here soon. I must grudgingly admit an astonishing amount of talent on display. I hasten to add, however, that I find it astonishing only because, in observing how you comport yourselves in-game, on the forums, and presumably in your day-to-day lives, one would be forgiven for assuming you bereft of the cognitive skills needed to operate a mailbox. At any rate, congratulations: You are all excellent artists. Perhaps you could draw a picture of me giving a damn, so I'd know what that looked like.
Lastly, I would like to remind those of you writing in with questions concerning a supposed past relationship between myself and one Mister Saxton Hale: A lady never tells, and a gentleman never asks. More pertinently, an Administrator never forgets. Or forgives. Or relents. The Nosy Parkers among you would do well to remember that the next time you decide to paw through my confidential affairs like junkyard dogs.
You have found this instructive,