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Can you smell the smoke in the air? If so, holy crap your house is on fire. Listen to us: Stop reading this update right now and call the fire department. Then come back, relax, and read about Pyro's new weapons while you're waiting for them to show up.
Jungle Inferno Update news can't be contained, much like the velociraptors in a movie we've been explicitly ordered not to mention. Or in the unrelated novel Jurassic Park, where the exact same thing happens, except no lawyers yell at whoever wrote the book version to stop stealing from Jurassic Park.
Why? Because nobody likes reading. And since these are boring reading words you're mouthing right now, let's get straight to the exciting video game parts.
If Jurassic Park taught us one thing, it's life finds a way. If Jurassic Park taught us two things, it's life finds a way and Jurassic Park is a good idea to steal for an update. And if Valve's legal team has taught us one thing, it was by screaming at us about not telling you the second thing Jurassic Park taught us.
If people screaming at us has taught us one thing, it's that loud noises make us so anxious we forget where the backspace key is, so we're just plowing ahead and are happy to announce our wholly original update about deadly animals escaping from a theme park. Because life finds a way, which is the only thing we
stole learned from Jurassic Park.
(10th anniversary community mosaic image courtesy of TF2 subreddit)
On October 9th, 2007, Team Fortress 2 was released to the world. Also some other games shipped too, in a game collection called The Orange Box, but between you and us, we were never really happy with how it was marketed:
And now, ten years, 624 updates, 100+ maps, 60 billion kills, 20 trillion in damage done, 6 billion items created, 2 billion headshots, and lots and lots of hats (so many hats) later, Team Fortress 2 celebrates a solid decade in gaming! Of course, there's really nobody else to thank for that but you, the loyal player. Thanks for letting us share this ride with you! We have one of the best communities any game could ask for, and we've loved growing the game with all of you into the weird, wonderful thing it is today!
What's next, you ask? We're putting the finishing touches on a mammoth new update, and it'll be shipping in the very near future, we promise. How near? Well, very. Imminent. Not this week imminent, but you know. Really soon.
Also, we should mention that Shapeways is launching a Valve Design Contest to reward the best designs with epic prizes from Valve and Shapeways. The grand prize winner will receive a Team Fortress 2 Grey Medic statue and $500 in Shapeways printing credit, so if you're good at 3D design and like prizes, head on over and check it out!
Here's to another decade!
Team Fortress turns twenty-one years old today, which is a pretty big milestone. We can now legally drink, join the army, gamble at casinos, get a driver's license, obtain a concealed weapons permit, and go to the bathroom in pretty much any state you want to name. But all that's small stupid potatoes compared to a little loophole we uncovered: When you're 21, you can adopt a baby in Colorado, Delaware, and Oklahoma.
Say hello to Team Crabwalk Rocketjump Fortress from Colorado! She's pretty small, so we had to get her a couple of books to sit on to reach the keyboard. So far all she does is poop, cry and code, which is making the other TF2 team members jealous, because up until now that's mostly been their job. Welcome to the free market, boyos.