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You read that right! (Unless you read "live" in its "lɪv" verb form instead of its "laɪv" adjective form, in which case you didn't actually read that right.) The Jungle Inferno Update is live! The Jungle Inferno Campaign! New Pyro weapons! War Paint! Cases! Taunts! It's all here, and it's all in-game and ready to play! See you there!
As in: really reallllllly close. (Promise.)
Typically we ship updates on a Thursday, so those of you expecting the Jungle Inferno Update to flip live today, you might want to sit down for this next part. If you're already in a comfortable sitting position, you might want to sit up straighter, because we're about to tell you we're delaying a day and we don't want you to twist your lumbar.
We're delaying a day. The update's almost finished, but it's a pretty big one, and we wanted another day to get everything ready and stress test it a little more. Our current plan is to release the update early tomorrow. Here's a big list of the changes, additions and fixes we'll be shipping tomorrow in the meantime.
Can you smell the smoke in the air? If so, holy crap your house is on fire. Listen to us: Stop reading this update right now and call the fire department. Then come back, relax, and read about Pyro's new weapons while you're waiting for them to show up.
Jungle Inferno Update news can't be contained, much like the velociraptors in a movie we've been explicitly ordered not to mention. Or in the unrelated novel Jurassic Park, where the exact same thing happens, except no lawyers yell at whoever wrote the book version to stop stealing from Jurassic Park.
Why? Because nobody likes reading. And since these are boring reading words you're mouthing right now, let's get straight to the exciting video game parts.
If Jurassic Park taught us one thing, it's life finds a way. If Jurassic Park taught us two things, it's life finds a way and Jurassic Park is a good idea to steal for an update. And if Valve's legal team has taught us one thing, it was by screaming at us about not telling you the second thing Jurassic Park taught us.
If people screaming at us has taught us one thing, it's that loud noises make us so anxious we forget where the backspace key is, so we're just plowing ahead and are happy to announce our wholly original update about deadly animals escaping from a theme park. Because life finds a way, which is the only thing we
stole learned from Jurassic Park.